u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
