why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
