ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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