We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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