So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
