watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
