I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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