i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
