Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize