i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize