Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
