How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
