Non-Jews are for practice
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
