My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
