its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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