haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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