just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
