I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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