If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
