i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
