Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
