I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
