saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
