420 ftw
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
