why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
