Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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