What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize