I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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