Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....

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(304): View more from West Virginia

ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.

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(253): View more from Washington

Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.

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(913): View more from Kansas

For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.

(913): View more from Kansas

Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.

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(903): View more from Texas

After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"

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(205): View more from Alabama

I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.

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