My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
