There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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