rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
