This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
