She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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