I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
