don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize