Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
