Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
