when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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