So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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