what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
