Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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