She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
