you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
