Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
