my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
