i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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