if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
