be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are the jesus of drinking
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
