And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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