I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
