I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
