I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
