Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize