This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
