We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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