I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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