when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
