Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
