Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
