Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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