she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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