She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
