Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
