yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
