i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
