How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize