Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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