were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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