From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This toilet bowl is my home.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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